And then, I promise, I'll be done complaining about it.
After reading the Childfree forum, I am left with the distinct impression that members of this group dislike children and therefore dislike people who are pregnant or have children and rarely count them among there friends. If they do have friends with children (or know people with children) they don't want to hear about the children.
Since when do we get to decide what our friends and co-workers talk about. Being in a community means respecting what other people have to say even if you have little interest in it! I don't particularly like cats, but I don't tell people, "hey, I'm allergic to cats, stop talking about Fluffy" when it comes up in conversation. I listen and try to ask questions. It's called making conversation.
It makes me sad to see that there are people out there that will automatically write me off as a potential friend because I might *gasp, horror of horrors* mention that I'm tired that day because Harry woke up four time last night.
Today I stumbled across a blog that the Childfree Group on the before-mentioned forum has been talking about. Complaining that her blog has changed from a knitting blog to a pregnancy blog. Someone even left her an anonymous comment about it!
This is a free country, you have the write to say and read whatever you want. Why is being mean a necessary part of it???
Friday, October 5, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Why can't I look away?
You know when you see something really terrible or gross or that makes you horribly, horribly angry, like a car accident or surgery on television or B!ll O'Re!lly, and while you know you should look away or move on you just can't?
Well, that's how I feel about the Childfree forum on a hobby-related on-line community I'm a part of. I was browsing through all of the groups when I noticed this one. *It's a new site, there aren't so many groups that you can't look through them all* I don't know what possessed me to read it, but I did. What can I say, maybe I'm a reading masochist?
This forum was set up, as far as I can tell, to bash children and parents. They say they're there to rant about experiences, but all I've read is a lot of hateful words and name calling. Let me back up to say that I fully support people's right to free speech and I know that this group isn't meant for me and I should just STOP READING.
But. I'm just not sure why, in a community that's supposed to be about making connections, it's acceptable to have a group whose sole purpose is to bash another group within the community.
Parents are not an oppressed group (well, we could get into a whole debate about the lack of adequate support in American culture for working parents, health care, childcare etc. but that's another blog post) like say, African-Americans or homosexuals. If there was a group on this community that was solely about gay bashing or that was dedicated to commenting about their negative experiences with African-Americans it would be SHUT DOWN. Why is okay to bash parents with words like "breeders" or to say things like, "The world would be a much better place if I could hit other people's children?"
There are quite a few groups on the site that are about parenting and children, but not a single one of those is about bashing those without children. This got me thinking - the site is predominantly women although there are quite a few men on there too. If the men had groups to support themselves (and they do) and then some of the women set up a group called "We Hate Men," would this be acceptable within the community because the men had a support group?
I realize that it's not my place to post to the Child-Free group and so I'm posting it here:
I say this to all the child-free by choice adults out there - I support your decision to not have children. I'm glad, if you don't want them, that you don't have them. There are plenty of parents in the world who are TERRIBLE and there are those who don't want the kids they do have. Neither of these are good situations. But don't criticize my choice to have children.
Don't ask the question, "why would you want to bring a child into this world." An enormous part of parenting is helping your child to grow into a responsible citizen and be part of the solution. I want people who want to change the world to have children - they're the best hope we have to make a difference in poverty, injustice, hunger, public health.
Don't expect me to keep my children at home because they might interrupt your dinner or not walk fast enough to get out of your way. I want to raise children who can contribute to society and behave in a kind, conscientious way. In order to do that I have to bring them out in public. That's how it works.
I'm not excusing people not supervising their children or allowing their children to be disrespectful of others, but children are CHILDREN. They need the space to behave in an age appropriate manner. It's not okay to expect your child to behave herself at dinner at 9pm when it's her bedtime and she hasn't eaten yet, but if I want to take my child out to dinner at 5 or breakfasts and he's sat there and eaten and played and needs to get up and go outside or shrieks for a second - DEAL WITH IT! It's totally appropriate behaviour, I did it too when I was 2 years old, so did everyone!
I leave you to your forum - I am going to try to stop reading, it only makes me angry, but I ask you this - in an online community what are the rules? Should groups like this be okay?
Well, that's how I feel about the Childfree forum on a hobby-related on-line community I'm a part of. I was browsing through all of the groups when I noticed this one. *It's a new site, there aren't so many groups that you can't look through them all* I don't know what possessed me to read it, but I did. What can I say, maybe I'm a reading masochist?
This forum was set up, as far as I can tell, to bash children and parents. They say they're there to rant about experiences, but all I've read is a lot of hateful words and name calling. Let me back up to say that I fully support people's right to free speech and I know that this group isn't meant for me and I should just STOP READING.
But. I'm just not sure why, in a community that's supposed to be about making connections, it's acceptable to have a group whose sole purpose is to bash another group within the community.
Parents are not an oppressed group (well, we could get into a whole debate about the lack of adequate support in American culture for working parents, health care, childcare etc. but that's another blog post) like say, African-Americans or homosexuals. If there was a group on this community that was solely about gay bashing or that was dedicated to commenting about their negative experiences with African-Americans it would be SHUT DOWN. Why is okay to bash parents with words like "breeders" or to say things like, "The world would be a much better place if I could hit other people's children?"
There are quite a few groups on the site that are about parenting and children, but not a single one of those is about bashing those without children. This got me thinking - the site is predominantly women although there are quite a few men on there too. If the men had groups to support themselves (and they do) and then some of the women set up a group called "We Hate Men," would this be acceptable within the community because the men had a support group?
I realize that it's not my place to post to the Child-Free group and so I'm posting it here:
I say this to all the child-free by choice adults out there - I support your decision to not have children. I'm glad, if you don't want them, that you don't have them. There are plenty of parents in the world who are TERRIBLE and there are those who don't want the kids they do have. Neither of these are good situations. But don't criticize my choice to have children.
Don't ask the question, "why would you want to bring a child into this world." An enormous part of parenting is helping your child to grow into a responsible citizen and be part of the solution. I want people who want to change the world to have children - they're the best hope we have to make a difference in poverty, injustice, hunger, public health.
Don't expect me to keep my children at home because they might interrupt your dinner or not walk fast enough to get out of your way. I want to raise children who can contribute to society and behave in a kind, conscientious way. In order to do that I have to bring them out in public. That's how it works.
I'm not excusing people not supervising their children or allowing their children to be disrespectful of others, but children are CHILDREN. They need the space to behave in an age appropriate manner. It's not okay to expect your child to behave herself at dinner at 9pm when it's her bedtime and she hasn't eaten yet, but if I want to take my child out to dinner at 5 or breakfasts and he's sat there and eaten and played and needs to get up and go outside or shrieks for a second - DEAL WITH IT! It's totally appropriate behaviour, I did it too when I was 2 years old, so did everyone!
I leave you to your forum - I am going to try to stop reading, it only makes me angry, but I ask you this - in an online community what are the rules? Should groups like this be okay?
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
the week (and a half) in review
I've been so busy in the past two weeks that I haven't had time to think, let alone blog.
Last weekend (the one that was almost two weeks ago now) saw a trip to Provincetown to go on a whale watch. This is an annual excursion (at the very least) for my large, non-biologically related, family that lives here on the Cape. Chris and I hadn't gone the past two years and Harry had never been. There were 20+ of us in our group and we were probably joined by another 20 or so strangers. We went on the early morning boat, The Portuguese Princess. We like their trips because they have naturalists from The Center for Coastal Studies, a great organization that works to protect marine mammals. We had a fabulous time and saw at least six different of whales, two of whom stayed near our boat for a good fifteen minutes, allowing me to take these
I got lots of great pictures of Harry, unfortunately they all have friends' children in them and I'm making it a policy to not post pics of other people without their (or their parents') permission. Here's a not so great one of him enjoying a pretzel
That brings us to this past weekend. We went to North Conway, New Hampshire and Fryeburg, Maine with Chris' best friend and his girlfriend. Chris and his friend lived in North Conway for nine months twelve years ago - the winter before we met. They skied and drank a lot of beer. Pre-Harry we used to go up there skiing all the time, but hadn't been since before I got pregnant. It was a lot of fun and it made me want to visit there more often. We stay at our friend's condo, which is right on Mt. Cranmore and enjoyed the fall foliage of the White Mountains.
On Saturday we were planning on visiting Storyland, but Harry fell asleep on the way so Chris and I decided to just drive around while he slept. As we drove up Rt. 16, we suddenly found ourselves at the foot of the Mt. Washington Auto Road.
Neither of us had ever driven to the top, so we decided to pay the fee and drive the eight miles up. It was quite an experience and not for the faint of heart! There were fairly sheer drops on the side with no guardrails. The road was just wide enough for two cars to pass each other and was a 12% incline/decline. Very stressful!
Harry slept the whole way up and woke up just before the summit. It had been about 68 degrees and sunny when we started up the mountain and at the summit it was foggy, overcast and 35 degrees with 75mph wind! It was like a collision course with winter. We got out of the car long enough to snap a picture
Harry didn't like the wind (and neither did I) so we got back in the car and headed back down. If I was in better shape it would have been a great hike - maybe in a year or two!
Sunday and Monday we went over to Hurricane Mountain Road to Fryeburg, Maine to go to the Fryeburg Fair. All I can say was WOW! It's a true country fair with livestock, crafts, demonstrations of all kinds - blacksmithing, ice cream making, music, and even a tractor pull! There were also carnival style attractions, but we only took advantage of the food aspects of that. It was really fun and Harry loved seeing all the animals. We saw
Oxen
A sow nursing her piglets
Chicks
There was also a petting area where Harry was too nervous to feed the goats, but Chris had fun doing it!
And as you can see Harry had a wonderful time!
It was a busy long weekend and now we're back at work. This weekend brings the wedding of a dear friend and a jeep club charity ride to Provincetown to benefit a local homeless shelter serving young people. Should be more busy fun!
Last weekend (the one that was almost two weeks ago now) saw a trip to Provincetown to go on a whale watch. This is an annual excursion (at the very least) for my large, non-biologically related, family that lives here on the Cape. Chris and I hadn't gone the past two years and Harry had never been. There were 20+ of us in our group and we were probably joined by another 20 or so strangers. We went on the early morning boat, The Portuguese Princess. We like their trips because they have naturalists from The Center for Coastal Studies, a great organization that works to protect marine mammals. We had a fabulous time and saw at least six different of whales, two of whom stayed near our boat for a good fifteen minutes, allowing me to take these
I got lots of great pictures of Harry, unfortunately they all have friends' children in them and I'm making it a policy to not post pics of other people without their (or their parents') permission. Here's a not so great one of him enjoying a pretzel
That brings us to this past weekend. We went to North Conway, New Hampshire and Fryeburg, Maine with Chris' best friend and his girlfriend. Chris and his friend lived in North Conway for nine months twelve years ago - the winter before we met. They skied and drank a lot of beer. Pre-Harry we used to go up there skiing all the time, but hadn't been since before I got pregnant. It was a lot of fun and it made me want to visit there more often. We stay at our friend's condo, which is right on Mt. Cranmore and enjoyed the fall foliage of the White Mountains.
On Saturday we were planning on visiting Storyland, but Harry fell asleep on the way so Chris and I decided to just drive around while he slept. As we drove up Rt. 16, we suddenly found ourselves at the foot of the Mt. Washington Auto Road.
Neither of us had ever driven to the top, so we decided to pay the fee and drive the eight miles up. It was quite an experience and not for the faint of heart! There were fairly sheer drops on the side with no guardrails. The road was just wide enough for two cars to pass each other and was a 12% incline/decline. Very stressful!
Harry slept the whole way up and woke up just before the summit. It had been about 68 degrees and sunny when we started up the mountain and at the summit it was foggy, overcast and 35 degrees with 75mph wind! It was like a collision course with winter. We got out of the car long enough to snap a picture
Harry didn't like the wind (and neither did I) so we got back in the car and headed back down. If I was in better shape it would have been a great hike - maybe in a year or two!
Sunday and Monday we went over to Hurricane Mountain Road to Fryeburg, Maine to go to the Fryeburg Fair. All I can say was WOW! It's a true country fair with livestock, crafts, demonstrations of all kinds - blacksmithing, ice cream making, music, and even a tractor pull! There were also carnival style attractions, but we only took advantage of the food aspects of that. It was really fun and Harry loved seeing all the animals. We saw
Oxen
A sow nursing her piglets
Chicks
There was also a petting area where Harry was too nervous to feed the goats, but Chris had fun doing it!
And as you can see Harry had a wonderful time!
It was a busy long weekend and now we're back at work. This weekend brings the wedding of a dear friend and a jeep club charity ride to Provincetown to benefit a local homeless shelter serving young people. Should be more busy fun!
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